The Tea Party
by melissophobia
Summary: Welcome to the Tea Party, hosted by the Mad Hatter and Professor Snape. A crazed way at looking at that beast writers block! One Shot and complete.


The Tea Party

Disclaimer: Out of this story, I own only- the, but, as, if, and maybe. Everything else belongs to other people with brilliant ideas and, are making heaps and heaps of money, I however make no money.

P.S. The Idea for this came from a quote someone at glass reflections sent me. "I Have come to the conclusion that fandom is not a hobby for all but rather a combination non-competitive sport/full-contact tea party. Only, like, the Mad Hatter's tea party, and the Dormouse is totally hitting on the March Hare." -Ins, live journal entry.- I don't know who they are...or how they got my address, but they were right on the money. I would love reviews. especially from the person who said this.

The Tea Party

The mad hatter poured a cup of coffee and passed it to Professor Snape. Immediately Snape noticed it was a clean cup, and with that he stood up and moved over a seat. M barely noticed, as she was too busy trying to drown out the incessant ramblings of the door mouse. Snape reached over and poured her a new cup of tea. And as it was a clean glass she stood up and moved closer to Snape. Not because he was a nice man, but a seat in the opposite direction would have landed her dangerously close to Dorothy Gale and her little doggie too. M wasn't to keen on dogs and Snape knew that.

"You seem to be in a bitter mood M" Snape said with a hint of sarcasm. Wasn't that the pot calling the kettle black? Weather or not she said that out loud, she was more than sure the look she gave him expressed the sentiment. M reached over and dropped a sugar cube in her tea. She knew they were poisoned. He-who-must-not-be-named had taught her that. Saturate a sugar cube in ant poison and place it in your locker. It kept the ants out and was a blast at dinner parties. What the hell, M thought as she dropped in two more cubes, if it was going to kill her it might as well be sweet.

"M," Snape shouted, " What the hell is wrong? You are acting like a pathetic Gryffindor who was not asked into battle."

God was she sulking that bad? Lazily she swirled her tea with her wand, after all it should be good for something. She looked across the table and found the March Hare insisting that the Dormouse eat a canary cream. A small smile found her lips.

"Severus why are there so many freaks and not enough circuses?"

"Oh my a riddle. I love riddles" the Mad Hatter squealed, "Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

"Because Poe uses both you idiot." Snape sneered "and ten points for killing time. Now shut up and eat a canary cream."  
"Canary creams! Snooch to the nooch" Jay said reaching over the table and grabbing the last cream. Bob grabbed it from him and ate it rather quickly, then even quicker turned into a rather large and silent canary.

"Nice going lunch box." Jay snorted, lighting up a joint. The canary retorted by diving into the steady stream of smoke, then was taken over by a sudden urge to dive down and eat the Caterpillar.

"What were you saying about freaks M?" Snape said as he shook his head in disbelief.

"Not enough circuses." She replied looking equally as amazed.

With those words escaping her mouth, a man approached the table wearing a rather cute blue dress and a ridiculous long blond wig.

"Percy?" M questioned.

"If you don't mind I would prefer it if you would use my stage name, Alice."

Snape snorted at the prospect of calling young Mr. Weasley Alice. Jay however was drooling. M couldn't figure out if Jay knew Alice was a man or a woman, but the look in his eyes resonated that he didn't care either. Soon Jay was at her (or his) side making all sorts of obnoxious gestures with his hands and saying he would do this and that to her, It was very hard to follow and soon even Alice was becoming annoyed.

"Please, its obvious you are meaning what you say," Percy...no, Alice replied taking his hands in his.or was it hers " just say what you mean"

"You have taught her well" the Door mouse spoke softly to the Mad Hatter with tears slowly slipping from his misty eyes.

Snape grabbed a hold of M's eyes and mouthed the words "want to go for a walk", in which she pleadingly nodded her head. As they quietly made for the exit of the tea party, M was sure she heard something along the lines of 'boo boo kitty fuck'.

"Ever get the idea we are the only sane ones here?"

"Or the only ones crazy enough not to uunderstand what's going on."

They walked to the entrance of Destiny's garden. It was a labyrinth and being so in a place like this might mean you would never find your way out again, but there was a great chance you would end up exactly were you were meant to go.

"This is where I leave you." Snape said solemnly placing a light kiss on her forehead. "Please hurry along and write my story. If I have to put up with idiots I would much rather be in my dungeon and brewing more intoxicating substances than tea."

"Write your story. I cant." M said shaking her head. "I still have this." She reached into her pockets and grabbed out a small rough block with that damn word written on it. It was the bane of her existence.

"So let me get this straight." Snape retorted rather nastily as he seized the block from her hand. "I am stuck in la-la land all because you have a writers block."

"I am afraid so" M replied weekly. "Are you sure you were sorted properly?" he sneered "Your acting like a pathetic Gryffindor! 10 points from Ravenclaw." He shouted pulling out his wand and throwing the rock up into the air. Green light blazed as he unleashed the most unforgivable curse at the block sending particles raining down on them.

"Enough of the dramatics Sev" she said reaching back into her pocket. However this time she pulled out a quill. "I have an idea." A deadly smile crept upon her face.

"About time." Snape said sounding rather relieved "go get me out of here."

And so M pushed away her teacup and moved the keyboard closer. Let the story begin.


End file.
